Thursday, July 28, 2011

Official Swag Tester

Would you like to be an Official Swag Tester?

It's simple: simply print out this image at a width of 8cm, cut out, fold in half and laminate. Cut a little hole in the top, add a lanyard and you now have the perfect, not at all legitimate excuse to climb into the swag of a boy you've just met.

Best of all, if the boy and/or the swag turn out to be something of a disappointment, there's a nice little clause in there that says he owes you beer:

Swags to be tested shall be chosen at the discretion of the tester. The tester may require the assistance of the owner to test the swag, and this assistance may be required for tasks such as unrolling the swag, checking the fit of multiple occupants and the swag's suitability as a mating location. Swags which are clean and in good condition will be highly marked. Extra marks will be awarded based on the appearance of the owner and vehicle on, in or near which the swag is situated. Marks are deducted for patches of damp or dirt, holes or torn blankets and the presence of long forgotten clothing and/or used protection in the base of the swag. The presence of spiders or rodents is an automatic fail. Should your swag be deemed unfit for use, you will be fined a can of beer or equivalent, or a greater penalty at the discretion of the Official Swag Tester. All decisions are final, and correspondence will not be entered into, unless we think you are cute and decide to add you as a friend on Facebook.

Tomorrow, I have to print out a dozen or so of these (half will doubtless get stolen) and then laminate them at work tomorrow night. Nothing else on my to do list has been done, but no matter. I am an Official Swag Tester now. That's the important thing.


  1. I hope your badge does the trick for you. Will you be sharing these with other official swag testers or are you the only one? Will there be a test to exclude those who are not qualified?

  2. You crack me up. That's a very creative way to meet some cowboys.

    Like Thea, I hope this does the trick for you.

    Perhaps we could have a whole post about your swag testing adventures with pictures?