Sunday, December 26, 2010

Words. Lots and lots of words.

It's now much more like my normal posting time, and I must say, it has been a lovely day. Sure the 7.30am wakeup sucked pretty bad, but I was back in bed within an hour till my usual wakeup time, and perhaps Mum is right about single serve pavlovas being called that because you only need to eat one, not three, but oh well. Everything between was good. Lunch at Nanny's tasted good, and Dad's decision to not go to Shayne's till 5 meant we got to sit around and gab about random shit for much longer than we otherwise would have. Even going to Shayne's wasn't as bad as I had feared, mainly because Casey was there already with her boyfriend Jamie and her bestfriend (and Jamie's sister) Jess, so I just went out and laid on the grass with them, before having a quick chat with everyone and coming home. And it was the coming home that was the best bit, driving too fast down back roads I've sorely missed this year*. And randomly, though of course he didn't recognise my car, (I recognised his, because I always thought it was stupid) I crossed paths with the ex for the first time in a long time, but instead of making me sad, I felt really really good. I was tearing along at speeds I wont state lest someone tells my Mum, listening to good music, taking a road only because I felt like it, not because I had to go see my boyfriend because he couldn't be bothered coming to my house to see me.

I've spent a while lately thinking about my end of year post, and even though there's still 6 days to go, I'm in a good mood now. I had thought it would be silly to celebrate this year as the year of being single, when 19 of my 23 years have been. I was gunna go with it being the year of blogging, but I've had various blogs over the last 6 years, so it's not that new. It was the year I became a cat owner, but since I didn't really get a choice, it's more like the year I got adopted by a cat. It could be the year I embraced my boganism, but then on the other hand, I got a Suzuki Swift, and you can't fit a five-poster to it, or fit a swag in the boot. If I had to pick one single item to define me, I'd probably go with my necklace, since I haven't really taken it off since I got it, and it is one of a kind, but then, it's an RM Williams longhorn, so it's back to the bogan again.

Ultimately, I think it's the year I met me. When you're in High School you're too busy being someone for everyone else - your teachers, friends, parents, whoever. When you're dating someone, you're being someone for them. I had thought I was waiting for him to be ready to move with me, but maybe I was waiting for myself to be ready to stay.

In the past I would look back at myself and think "gosh, I'm a completely different person now" whereas now I can look back and see that actually, I've been the same person all along, I just didn't know it yet. And now that I know who I am, and I'm comfortable with where I am, I can spend next year looking at where I want to go. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but actually, I've got a lifetime to figure it out.

This time last year I was expecting a lot from 2010. I had a long term, serious boyfriend, we were looking at houses in Adelaide, I was a good chance at getting into my course, things were looking good. 

It didn't turn out the way I expected. 

It all turned out different, but then it also turned out even better.

Except BJ. That still makes me sad.

*I can't help but think that if BJ and I had still had a reason to drive too fast down back roads, he would have stayed in better condition, but then I'm probably confusing the way a car stays in good condition with the way a human body stays in good condition. I know I should work out, but there's an eBay to be browsed.

4 comments:

  1. Again you make me cry, Let me also say Hello to the new Sara, I loved the old one but the Mark II is just as nice only more settled. You now sound like me 6 years ago. You just have to realise your happy with who you are and what you have its a wonderfull place to be, then just when you get really good at being you.....your whole world evolves again and you become another even more settled person. Life is as beautifull as you want to make it and your making yours lovely, you just maybe need to perfect your bindings and this stage of your life will perfect

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you've found yourself a lot earlier than most people of your generation do. That makes you one step ahead of the game, although it's not a race.

    I wish I'd been as strong and insightful as you sound at the same age. Just dont forget to live a little, dream your dreams, and do stupid things every now and then because it's the mistakes that we learn from.

    Oh and by the way Im twice your age and still dont have my shit together.

    I hope 2011 is full of lots of experiences for you Sara.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know people think I talk about poo too much but let me say this - if your shit's too together, you can't push it out.

    Maybe the key to happiness is just getting enough fibre...

    :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now that I think of it, both the kind that clears out your poochute and the kind you can make into quilts...

    ReplyDelete