Thursday, November 11, 2010

Nothing to do with craft of any kind.

Since my internet got big, I've spent even more time than usual on slightly shifty websites finding myself slightly shifty copies of American TV shows that haven't aired in Australia yet. These websites have taught me many things.

-Russian girls want to marry me. ME! This seems odd, since all I could muster would be a Civil Union, and I don't think this would allow them to stay in the country. I think they actually want to marry Desperate American Nerd Male me, but whatever, I'm flattered anyway.

-There's one big secret to make you skinny, and another (well, I assume it's a different one) to give you white teeth. I cant be bothered trying to find out what these are. I'm looking very hard for the pilot of the apparently quite good but very short lived (canceled after 8 episodes) TV show Traveller. I don't have time to make my teeth whiter.

-There's this random woman, who I think is pretending to be on some kind of Current Affair/Today Tonight type show that is apparently telling you how to earn 10k a month from home. But actually, if you ever click it, she isn't, and you wont. It's a bit confusing.

-You can get these very fake looking women who sit on your desktop. Like it isn't clogged up enough already*

-Advertisers think that only dudes use torrents. And lesbians too, because sometimes there's two Russians who want to marry me, and they're making out. I'm neither, so stop filling my screen with useless adverts and give my my bloody download link already!


Earlier tonight I spent an hour or so writing up a how-to for a friend from work who has decided she's sick of iTunes too. and wanted to know where I get all my TV shows from. It doesn't include any of this information, but that's okay. It's important that we learn things ourselves along the way.

*I have a touchscreen laptop, and if they could come up with a guy version who could incorporate these two features I would get one. First, he needs to be ticklish. Second, when I activate the onscreen keyboard and everything on the screen gets pushed down, it must bash him on the head so he passes out. This would make me laugh, and feel better about the fact that so many guys are douchebags.

2 comments:

  1. Haha! I LOVE your idea about the guy version of the desktop toy. That would also make me laugh... I believe there is an untapped market for this!

    ~ Meagan

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  2. For starters, we need gender specific web browsers. I don't want single girls talking to me, I want football players Dammit! Male ones. With no shirts, and good hair...

    Our dream of a perfect internet will one day be realised, and they will put up statues in our honour!

    PS. I dont need the secret to a flat stomach, I need the secret of how to keep my cat off my keyboard. This too, is a lucrative untapped market...

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